The Price I Have To Pay
by Violet Claire De Lune
Summary: “I just…I want to be normal and make my own decisions. I want to do stuff because really want to do it” Derek sat on my bed and then slowly nodded. He understood and it meant the world to me. I just hope he was okay with what I wanted to do next. R&R!


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Life With Derek, if I did; Casey and Derek would be together.

**Summary:** Casey decides she wants to be her own person and go after what she really wants trying to forget all about the consequences.

"Hate is a very strong, hurtful, word Casey. You should think twice about using it."

My all knowing, self righteous, mother once scolded me. It was the week after I had told I hated her for ruining my life by marring to George and making us move.

I knew it really hurt her feelings but I was 14 she shouldn't have taken me so seriously. At least, that's what I thought in my head. What I actually said was that I felt horrible about the whole thing, when I didn't. It felt pretty damn good, actually. Knowing, I had hurt her as much as she hurt me.

Call me mean; call me vengeful, I don't care. This good-girl act I do is only so people will leave me the hell alone. I don't even care about my grades anymore. I mean I don't want to fail but I'd be okay with B's and C's but my mom becomes impossible to deal with if I don't make those good marks.

With Lizzy she's different, she doesn't expect as much from her. She's letting her be a normal kid and I'm happy for her because pretending to be perfect is driving me crazy. All the things I have to remember all the causes I supposedly stand for. It's a full time job I should get paid for this.

I wouldn't have to be like this if I lived with my dad. He doesn't care about all that stuff. My dad cares about me not my image and that's why I love him so much.

"Casey, dinner!" I hear Nora yell at me from downstairs. I'm not really hungry but Derek's gonna be there and he makes life…fun!

I walk downstairs and see everyone's already there. We're having pizza because both of the 'rents were too lazy to cook. I sit down and take my place at the dinner table.

"So Casey, honey how was your day"

I've been avoiding family dinner's lately. Mostly, because I've been reaching my limit. She expects the world of me by everyone else she lets slack off. Its way too much pressure to impress her. Let's just say I know why my parents divorced.

Honestly, I think the only reason she asks is because I haven't been doing every single thing she asks me.

"Good"

"Nobody cares" Derek says with chewed bread in his mouth. How I could have possibly fallen for him is beyond me, but I did. Those eyes, that body, and all around Derek-ness, drive me nuts…in a good way.

"Derek that's very rude! Apologize to Casey." I hear my mother say, George just nods. Why my life is boring, hell I wouldn't want to hear about my day. Maybe I should say something.

"Yes it was rude, but so is snooping through your daughter's room and reading her diary" I say staring at my mother.

That's right Nora I know it was you. Amateur, at least when Derek does it he knows how to make it looked untouched…unless he's in a rush to get out.

My mom instantly froze. I wonder what she going to say. Hell I wondered what I was going to say! Whatever, the diary she found is fake filled with things people would expect people to read. My real diary is on Xanga.

"Casey…I"

"Ha! Don't worry about it Nora I read Casey's diary when I can't sleep. It knocks me right out."

"Derek!" I hear George say but my focus refuses to wavier from my mother.

"Casey I know it was wrong but you've been so distant lately and you don't talk to me so when I saw it I couldn't help it" When you saw it from under my bed…geez.

"Whatever happened to 'I would never read my daughters' diary like my mother did to us' hm" I wasn't yelling or anything. I was calm and mom was sweating, metaphorically speaking.

"I know Casey and I'm sorry but when you're a mother, you'll understand." The same line my Grandmother gave to her, classic.

"Why, so I can end up 40 with a failed marriage, forcing my eldest daughter to fulfill all of my failed childhood ambitions against her own happiness. No…I'll think I'll pass"

The room was quiet. Everyone looked at me in shocked horror. I got up, grabbed my plate of food, an extra pizza, and unopened can of coke from the table and begin to walk off. When I got to the couch I turned to her and said. "Bet you didn't read that in the diary" and walk away to my room where I began to eat my victory dinner.

I sat there in complete silence munching on my pizza when I realized how angry I was. It was about the diary I had already mentioned that was a fake. I was angry at her hypocrisy! I was angry at my mother for all the things she does to me without caring how I feel or how it would affect me. I was beginning to think I hated that woman even if she was my mother I couldn't justify her actions anymore.

I cook, I clean, and I transport her step-children around. I mean I like them but still they aren't my responsibility. I get good grades and help Lizzy. I help her stupid new husband with his crap. I'm super-woman, sort of. She always claims to do it all but all she does it work and then slack off around the house. What the hell? I didn't marry into the family why am I doing all the work I didn't want this! None of it!

There to interrupt my ranting thoughts was a knock at my door. Before I could ask who it was Derek marched in shocked.

"What the hell was that about?"

"That was me letting go of some unresolved issues."

"I'm all for you letting go of your issues but don't you think that was a bit harsh."

"Actually, I didn't think it was harsh enough"

"What's up with you?"

"I'm just tired of … all the pressure that she has me under. I just…I want to be normal and make my own decisions. I want to do stuff because really want to do it"

He sat on my bed and thought about what I said then slowly nodded. He understood what I meant and that meant the world to me. I just hope he was okay with what I wanted to do next.

"Just be careful with the consequences. The last thing you want is to have all of this bite you in the ass" I smiled and as he got up. It's now or never, Casey.

With that in mind I kissed him.

Well, let me be more specific…it was more like

…with that in mind I tried to kiss him but froze and chickened out. I did however manage smile sweetly at him like there was no tomorrow! Yeay! Yea I know I'm pathetic. Leave me alone. I must have looked like an idiot getting up purposefully and then freezing at the last minute.

"…all…right…well I'm going to go call Emily see you later. And if anyone asks I was never here." Then he left. Just like that. So simple and easy. Off to call his girlfriend…my no so best friend anymore. The one that had the guts to kiss him… I hate her.

Before I can go into my I hate Emily speech I get a call from Gabriella my new best friend from school.

"Hello Gabriella"

"Hey Case, whatcha doin?"

"Oh you know telling off my mother, almost kissing my step brother, and eating my weight in junk food."

"Wait, what? But you're Casey you don't mouth off or suck face or eat carbs! What's going on with the WORLD!" She yells sarcastically then laughs.

"This is serious I almost kissed Derek Venturi"

"First of all I know who he is I live like a block away. Second, almost doesn't count. Ask Brandy she sang the song."

"What do I do Gabbs? What do I do?"

" Told you what you needed to do and you never listen to me? It's always noooo I can't do that it's not me! I'm Casey I'm all prefect and stuff." Her impressions of me are prefect and horrible all at the same time.

"Tell me again"

"Take out the competition."

"But how is that going to make him like me?"

"Are you serious, that boy would do you in an instant if you let him! But you are complicated and fickle so you actually going after him is like the sign of good faith. Like a come get me tiger"

"Wh…at?"

"You heard me"

Indeed I had but, seriously is that the way to go?

Dun Dun DUNNN!!!!

Please Review.


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